How to spot an abuser

HE IS POSSESSIVE AND JEALOUS

We sometimes mistake this for love and passion, but the truth is that you should not be afraid of doing your own thing for fear of how your man would perceive it. If every interaction with the opposite sex has you looking over your shoulder to see if your man is watching, you are in a prison. You should be able to go out, have fun and enjoy yourself without him. He does not own you, and if he acts as if he does by resenting anything you do without him, he is an abuser.

HE RESENTS YOUR OTHER RELATIONSHIPS

We see this happen a lot-a girl gets into a new relationship and suddenly she is cut off from her friends and family, hanging out only with those the man in her life has approved. This is one of the first signs of an abuser. You should be able to cultivate a new relationship while preserving the old ones in your life.

HE USES FEAR AS A WEAPON

There is no fear in love, as the bible tells us. If you are afraid of airing your views or offering contrary opinions for fear of what your partner will do or say, that relationship is abusive and you need to get out. This fear is often the first warning signs before a relationship escalates from emotional and verbal abuse to physical abuse. You hear things like “you know that if you cross this line, you know what I can do” and that fear keeps you timid and small. You need help, and you need to leave him.

HE IS PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE

One way of spotting an emotional and verbal abuser is if he never comes out right to say that you have offended him but keeps dropping hints and holding it over your head to make you feel guilty, even after you have apologized. Do not stay with someone that always holds past offenses against you as a way of guilting you into doing things for him or letting him get his way.

HE IS AUTHORITATIVE

Any man whose word is always the last say and who resents your input is an emotional abuser. Every relationship is about partnership, and you should make decisions concerning your relationship together. If his word is law and anyone after that causes quarrels, be careful because one day it might just escalate to a slap.

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