Domestic violence: who is to blame?

We all know the story; we have all seen it at some point. We have heard our neighbours and relatives and even our parents fight. Some of us have been victims. Domestic violence is everywhere around us. In fact, it has become so commonplace that the society does not bat an eyelid when a man hits his wife, or when a woman wounds her housemaid in the name of correction. Violence has become such a part of our lives that it is ingrained in our behaviour to hit first before using dialogue as a means to placate our anger.

Many excuses have been made for this destructive behaviour. We get angry, we were pushed, we have been quiet for such a long time, the victims badly behaved, and the victims refused our advances...the excuses are endless. Women are at the greatest receiving end of the violence meted out to them by the men in their lives.

Take a poll. You will notice that most men see nothing wrong with a man slapping his wife in correction; in fact, it is recommended that a woman needs a “firm hand”. Women have been raped by their husbands, kidnapped, locked in the house and kept from opportunities by men who are supposed to be their partners through life. Since the beginning of time, women have suffered this injustice, sometimes with little or no provocation. The mindset that a woman belongs to a man does not help the situation.

The conversation is growing in volume-women are speaking up more and more. The days when women stayed in abusive marriages for the sake of their children or to keep up a front are fast fading. It is time for us all to take a deeper look at the state of our society, the systematic patriarchy that has been set up to subjugate women. It is time for us all (men and women) to realize that there is a clear victim of domestic violence.

Speak up today. Help someone in that situation. Support victims instead of blaming them. Support NGOs that shelter women and children who are victims of abuse. It is time for us to become a part of the solution and stop perpetuating the problem.

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